Smile.

Everyday of my life is an up and down, trial and error, happy and sad, clean bifurcation of life. Today was no different. I woke up after a night spent eating with mom, tonkatsu and strawberry shortcake fresh on the gut, to go play football. Game 1 was a tie and game 2 was a heartbreaking, rosebowl-esque loss. I sprained my pointer finger and pinky finger on my right hand trying to catch passes. Not fun.

In between games, I went to Target with mom to buy some supplies for the apartment. Later in the afternoon, I took her to Millennium park and we smiled together as the face fountain spit water all over drenched children. We also bickered with each other over trivial issues. She bought me a pair of shoes from Barney's that I've wanted. It was up and down.

Tonight I went out and had a great time. This feels like a legitimate turning point in life here. And that might sound like a disingenuous statement that i might flippantly make every other week when things seem to turn in my favor, but this time it's more sincere than ever. I truly believe I put myself at a junction tonight between the doldrums of winter and the sunshine of spring/summer.

And yes, i put myself there. Look, I believe in entropy as much as the next guy. Our reality is often a jumble of random collisions and chaotic interaction that plays as much by personality as it does by chance. But the last fourteen days has taught me more than ever that sometimes you need to inject energy into the system to create your own reality and your own collisions. Ones that never would have occurred unless you were brave enough to trigger them. And for once, I had the balls to take that step.

Is this feeling contrived? Have I been exactly here before only to have it evaporate in the gaps between my swollen fingers? Is this whole situation riddled with crippling uncertainty? Is this entire blog entry ridiculously histrionic bullshit? Probably yes to all of the above. But you know what? Tonight, I'm going to sleep with a feeling of optimism about tomorrow and the next day and the day after that that i haven't felt for a long time. I'm happy.

And shit, that's all that matters right now.